The Thoughts Lately

The silent battle is hard

You wanted to tell the world but afraid of being accused as too weak

You wanted to let your loved one knows that you are lost, you are exhausted but you feel like they ​won’t understand

At the end, you sit down alone in your small room

Drag your knees to the chest hoping it would help shake off all the fear and anxiousness you have ​been feeling

Somehow it helps. Why? Because at the end I realized, the act of me decided to stay silent is not ​because I’m afraid to let people know I’m weak or afraid the rejection of people validating my ​feelings. But at that time, I only sees Allah.

When I was at the lowest, I remember sitting down on the floor hugging the chair and cried and ​never stop saying, Allah please help me, pleasee help me. At that time, I don’t even know what kind ​of help I was asking from Him but I just want Him to help me. Slowly, the crying getting slower, the ​chest feels lighter and I feel calm. That is when I realized, He held my hand and say hey, I’m here ​and please leave it to me.

Turns out that darkest moment was the moment that I always longing for whenever I feel I’m okay. ​Weird isn’t? But that was the moment that I feel the closest to Him. I feel like I can feel He was ​holding my hand tightly telling me that I’m gonna be okay. I miss Him.